I heard DG and Puppers barking their alert barks, so I stepped out on the porch, hoping it was the UPS guy with my package. IT WAS BITSY AND DIXIE – LOOSE!!! They pushed the fence up at the bottom and both went right out (at the same spot).
Nobody can ever tell me I don’t have awesome dogs. NOBODY. I yelled at them to back off, and I tried to get the pigs, and the pigs ran full throttle into a huge brush pile in the ravine. That was it. They were gone. I wasn’t fast enough (ever in my life) to catch two runaway pigs. I weighed the options: no pigs (because if they’re gone, they’re gone, and someone else would find and keep them) or dead pigs if the coyotes found them tonight.
DG and Puppers were watching me intently, and I just said, “Go get ’em.” They were into that brush pile like polar bears into ice water. They flushed the pigs out and ran them back and forth through the woods a few times. I yelled, “Bring ’em home!” and I’ll be danged if they didn’t do it! It was the craziest thing I ever saw! They ran them right to the driveway, herding them the whole way. Puppers would nip their heels when they’d try to stop, and she’d run to the front of them when they tried to veer off to the woods again. DG brought up the rear and ran circles around them when they turned and turned.
I opened their house and yelled, “PIG PIG PIG PIG!!!!” just like I do when I’m feeding them treats everyday. Bitsy ran straight in but then wanted right back out, so I had to shut the door, and then Dixie was stuck outside, going all along the wire, trying to find a way back in (there is no way in or out of there because that pen is pig proof). Eventually I had to grab her by the hind legs and lift her, and OMG did she squeal like she was being murdered!
At that point, I realized I made a big mistake. I was alone, holding (what felt like) 200 lbs of wriggling pig in my hands (off the ground so she couldn’t swing around and nail me with her teeth), and my dogs went into predator mode when they heard the squeals and thought pork was on the menu. I couldn’t figure out how to unlatch the little door and open it while holding Bitsy inside and Dixie by the back legs and keep the dogs from eating her alive!!!
I finally figured out I could let her rest one front foot on the ground so I could use my pinky to flip the latch while still holding Dixie, and I used my body to block the dogs from her, and I got the door open just enough to let her put her nose through, and she ran right over Bitsy to get away from me.
And like magic, DG and Puppers were good dogs again, wagging their tails and looking at me like they’d single handedly saved the pork…
…which I guess they did because they wore them out and drove them home.
My dogs are awesome.
My pigs – not so much in the awesome category at the moment. If they weighed more, I’d have run them right into the trailer and had pig tomorrow instead of turkey. Welllll…not really, but don’t think it didn’t cross my mind!
I came into the kitchen to get a drink, and Jake said, “Are you okay? You kinda look like you’re having a meltdown or something. Do you need a doctor???”
Really, kid??? REALLY???
Nope. I just need ELECTRIC IN MY PIG PASTURE!!!
And I need a Ski. I definitely need all the Ski in the house!!!